Category Archives: Notes and observations

Redundancy

Some have accused me of redundancy, but like I said before, that’s an old story. Who isn’t redundant, according to the latest subsidies, and who is? Would they who is please take two steps forward and three steps back.

When they eventually hit the stone age they cast their pearls before swine, but the grunts didn’t go for it. Doesn’t the transcript show that  I already said that?

Tonight we will be doing, god be willing, the old topsy-turvy, to the tunes of Alphonse the Swinherd. The Swindle sisters will spin like spiders.

Hang on a second, I just blew up my random number generator. Luckily I have the diesel backup. By the numbers.

Overproof

fletcher

Smoking the piece porridge pipe at treaty number seven we joust bout got blown outa da water. It happen last winter. Not enough antifreeze in the gladiator. A glad hand, and up you and yours.

Hard Times

spicy

Times are getting hard, but there’s been hard times before. We had the rump parliament, followed by the diet of worms and the Babylonian captivity. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you always had the black death. A plague upon your people if they turn their back to the wind. And a dose of smallpox to the big man on campus.

Book of Ether. Chapter 1

 

Let’s lay our cards on the table. Either you’ll die laughing at this fitting fable for our simple times, when all’s white with the world, and black is the color of my true love’s heir, or not. Rue not the sprue.

Osama bin one bad motherfucker, gotta give him that. Counted coup big time on yonder seaboard. Or so they say. Himself disclaims credit. Ancient history now.

Inland, from beyond the Bitterroot to the frontiers of the Flathead, tribes were called to cache in their buffalo chips. “Listen up yo captains of industry. May God grant you the grace to suck up your forty pieces.”

I stopped by the beauty salon to say goodbye to my wife.

To speak ballistically, and in all hottentotitude, those baden-baden mothfoggers are marching to their own drummer, all dumbed up on sanctity and god bless America, god damn it to fucking hell. Are you beginning to get the point? United we stand with a bird in the hand.

By fucking Osama we have slipped the bonds of Echelon and thrown Carnivore a tasty fiche for its quarterly report. Saint Bill of the Gates will claim his pound of flesh, but it’s two hundred percent deductible. We gonna give him a plutonium enema. Right upside the head. Okay, slow down before we get a bust, if you wood get my drift.

Now is the time for all of us half-bad men to consult their palm pilots, and make like Samson in all his glories. Women mutatis mutandis, or, as they say downtown, nematodes to the Monroe Doctrine.

Cricket

tinytim_mechanicalmen

Do I hear crickets or is that a hard drive failing?
Better backup into the cloud.
The proctor and gambologist will see you now
barring any cataracts,
and raise you a lumpen proletariat
the assault of the earth,
the hand that cocks the cradle.
The mathematics of mortal sin.
It is forbidden to depict a spider with a human face.
You might find it in adult reading.
Report this to the rotary
somebody welshed on my child’s christmas.
the light of the blue sky is polarized
some of the light is scattered more than once
other dancers may pee on the floor

Private service

I took off my wrist radio for a private service.

When you’re doling out your accolades, don’t short circuit yourself.
Don’t disabuse yourself of your morning constitutional rights.
All men may be created equal, women included in the some cases, but the law doesn’t look at it that way. The mighty tie up the courts in their googlian knots, spreading largess among the lawyers. The meek peck at a mere crumb, and scurry at a shadow in the sky.

At which we all double-crossed ourselves, and checked our messages.

At the Gate

We had smoked fish for supper last evening. Later that night I was drinking a round with the folks from the spelling bee team. One of the fellows was saying that he had always thought he was Scottish, but the DNA test came in on the side of Irish/Italian. I quietly let loose a fart. The Scottish fellow said he thought he could smell smoke. The waitress came and said that the ash tray was on fire, the ashtray outside the door. When we left there was water on the sidewalk.