Our noodly appendage

I hesitate to debrief you at this late hour, but it’s been bruited abroad that they are coming for our noodly appendage. Our daily bread no longer rise. Retreat to the mountains. Take special care for the mothers to be.

Cross-reference this file to the memoranda in your welcome package.

Time served

Once upon a time congress gave control of the network time servers to Homeland Security. In those days, the brothers made handsome profits in stocks and at the parimutuel. Eventually some of the two-timers got caught with their pants down. It proved to be in their DNA.

Elders

Our father that art in heaven, and our mother that art in the earth, help me speak plainly now, and remain true to the lofty aim of our people. Which is, that the devil screw the hindmost, in the strict sense of the subject. Not to give airs, but also not to pretend that when Jack and Jill went up that hill, there was no more to it than a pail of water, we beseech thee (father and mother), as the direct descendants of Adam and Eve, Romeo and Juliette, and the old woman who lived in a shoe — guide us on our course.

Help us avoid mention of the smut-covered president, or of the common man, infested with bugs. The woman on the street? Keep her out of your dirty cold war. With your one good eye and half-bushel of fingers, raise the glass and pass the ammunition. We will now speak of the thermodynamics of the colored people.

Once upon a time, all the peoples was colored. That’s the way it was in the old county. Then the Africans started to spread out, and in some cases, lighten up. And the people that wasn’t colored, tended to live in Iceland. After they’d been to the moon, they all got stuck in the sand.

They placed their trust in a great warrior, who had been through the bankruptcy courts, and had incited insurrections with a million dead; and she or see would clear the deck and all the frills upon it.

Daphne to Castrata

The black knight complained that he saw the Daphne closed under rynde, grene laurer and the holsome pyne. And in 1634 Habington said to climb yonder forked hill, and see if there in the bark of every Daphne, doth not appeare Castara written.

Urinings for Egypt

They can tell a lot about you by your urinings, so telling is this expression of y0ur kidneys. The last supper was set at the periodic table, or maybe it wqs the next to the last. Judas was pissing silver, and Saint Peter had his cock in his hand. Denail is a river in Egypt.

Private service

I took off my wrist radio for a private service.

When you’re doling out your accolades, don’t short circuit yourself.
Don’t disabuse yourself of your morning constitutional rights.
All men may be created equal, women included in the some cases, but the law doesn’t look at it that way. The mighty tie up the courts in their googlian knots, spreading largess among the lawyers. The meek peck at a mere crumb, and scurry at a shadow in the sky.

At which we all double-crossed ourselves, and checked our messages.

Diet of Worms

This new Christian diet is all the rage, the Diet of Worms. The infidels tend to choke on it, as was its design. The doctors of divinity prescribe a bracing tonic of extreme devotion to those in remission. Many long-standing disputes have finally been settled, to the best of our knowledge.